THE JOURNEY BEGINS TOMORROW

I'm off to MNL tomorrow traveling by land and water. I'm restarting my new life tomorrow. Hoping for a chance to pursue my career as a Registered Nurse. If MNL won't give me the opportunity, I'm going overseas as previously planned. I'll miss:

1. Facebook-ing and Tweetting all day
2. Chatting with friends online
3. Grabbing online music
4. Oh my! what about my Vampire War chest?

I need a wi-fi phone and I'm getting just an E63 when I get to MNL. I'll watch PCD concert too and finally be hugging my Jemi! The feeling is ambivalent! Excitedly anxious!

Hope I won't meet H1N1 virus! I am not excited to meet you!

THIS IS WHAT IT WAS ALL ABOUT

For 2 months now I have tried my best to focus on other things I want to consider important. I am broken and shattered into pieces. It may sound as an overstatement but it's not. Others may think of one's emotion as unrealistic however, no one can measure the degree of your emotion but yourself.

It all started with an instant visual attraction. Honest conversation came next thus the implication of knowing the person. The honesty and supposed-to-be humility made the attraction stronger resulting to the pursuance of love. I am a fan of Filipino love flicks where a boy would court the girl with flowers, helping out at the girl's house and befriending the girls family. No matter how queer I am, I've always had the hetero- love appreciation.

I thought, my first love was not romantic. It started with, yes go ahead and laugh, YM. Meeting this new person wanted me to materialized my hetero- dream.

It turned out nice, before the relationship started I talked to the mother and got her YES.

The sad part came crashing in when demands were pouring. Asking this and that when I know I cannot provide them. They weren't as necessary as the things I was providing. I became a family man in an instant. I did not regret it, it was fun and made me feel very responsible. it would have turned out fine if I have gotten the support I was needing. Talked about it and still all I was getting were immature arguments like breaking up just because I cannot buy new clothes. I mean, come on! Would you rather purchase new clothes for a one night party versus a sack of rice for a month consumption?

Then argument of me not letting him work and all... I explained, just support me and do your part since there was an agreement for the willingness to be a "house-wife-husband". Very difficult time indeed since I gets to earn the green and train someone to be responsible. At my age? I wanted to me immature and be baby-ed but I chose not to because I want to grow up. I was loving the responsibility minus the arguments.

Unconsciously, the argument got the best of me. I lost my possible promotion until I lost my desire to go to work. I felt like I was just dragging myself to work. When was at work, I didn't want to go home to get away from the arguments. Who wouldn't get tired of weekly arguments? Weekly!

I held on because of my dumb principle that things will turn out find tomorrow. I've waited and waited but it never came until I lost everything. My dreams were re-constructed with him included. I was heading to path where we will both be successful however, we just couldn't understand each other. Letting him understand things will take a million of arguments and he'll understand it for, say, 24-48 hours. That's the length of time of his realization then another argument arises.

Left my job, left MNL and we were suppose to start all over again in ILO. We're going to make it work in a simplier life. It never turned out nice. The lack of trust or the lack of love. I never thought all will be wasted. If it was real love, giving up is never an answer. No matter how stressful the arguments were, issues will be fixed and it's not going to be one-sided.

With this entry I'm draining my pain along with it.

The visual attraction was instant
The honest conversation was fluid
The emotion was uncontrollable
Hence, love was summoned

I pursued my love amidst the low esteem
I loved but it never lasted, hesitated
I said I will try to love again
Gave my best courting until I've got it

I begged, be with me only if you love me
I'd rather left hopeless than uncertain
Change is inevitable or mask was broken
The true self was starting to unfold

Humility, simplicity and understanding
They were just a facade, all faded
When pain surmounted love,
I held on to the happy thoughts

I did what I can to keep the love
but was damaged again

RESTARTING

Yesterday was visually tiring for me since I've spent almost my entire day trying to get a hold of the controversial Hayden Kho and friends (if I may call them) videos. Around 8PM I was able to accomplish my mission.

Last night was enlightening to me. I've read the Purpose Driven Life and I can remember the line,

"... Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment..."

The words may seem like the exact words from the book, well, it really is.

I've shared this thought to my Genesis friends and other friends. I think I am already healing from the pain. Friends have been there saying this and that. What I have learned throughout my life is that no one can ever tell you what to do, you would either hear them talk but not listen or simply reject people's idea. Your true healing will come when you decide that it is time to heal. I don't want to linger on the past anymore. I have to forgive myself for committing the errors.

Like what I've said, I have to reconstruct myself for I have been damaged. Not for anybody else but myself. I am worthy of no one but myself and my mom. I'm starting things all over again. I want to make it right.

CONCLUSION OF MY CIRCUMCISION JOURNEY plus MY JEMI'S INTRODUCTION

I decided not to blog until something different happens in my boring monotonous life. Everyday in my Iloilo Life I did nothing but wake up at around 7:00AM, take a bath, get dressed then go to my brother's store and attend to people who want to download songs on their mp3 players. I'll wait until 6:00PM then go home then watch T.V. then sleep. I mean, this is the most non-productive boring days of my life. Yes, non-stressful but the absence of stress is stressing me out as well. It is, in fact, driving me nuts.

Though for the past couple days of I was able to rejoin my Foreskin-cutters colleagues. Although it's outside of my job description as a nurse to actually preform circumcision due to the scarcity of physicians in Estancia, Iloilo, I actually did.

It was initially discouraging especially when it all gets bloody and my dexterity hinders me to work faster when it comes to suturing the foreskin. Being left-handed challenged me in some medical procedures but thank God I can always adjust.

After observing a medical student and assisting him in one of our missions and observed a long-time practicing surgeon perform dorsal-slit circumcision, I actually got the hang of it. I was even able to perform faster than my Med Student mentor. It's just a matter of confidence and learning best practices from those who knows. Reading helped me as far as identifying the challenges in the operation and how it can be managed.

I'd say getting the compliment synonymous to what I used to get back in college feels good. Getting a thumbs up from people around you gives a good self-boost. Thanks!

I'm extremely anxious if I can get in to this prestigious hospital in Manila. I submitted my letter of application and my resume. I really want to practice my profession. I'm going to do it well this time.

It was a long time ago I really wanted to get a pet but my Dad's voice echoing on my ears saying "Why take care of a pet if you cant even take care of yourself yet?" and that was said when I was a kid. I guess now I can get my own pet I wanted to get a cat. Any breed, Persian, Siamese or Himalayan will do. I Googled it and came across a page selling 2 Persian kittens. One is a 4 and a half old and the other is 3 and a half. I opted the younger since I cant get a hold og him until I get back to Manila. I contacted the person selling the cat and requested if I can see him via webcam and I did. I loved it and the following day I paid for my very first kitten. I had trouble figuring out what to call my kitten. I got random names in my mind and even contacted my friends. Blah... blah.... blah... I can't wait to see my cat, and yes Rean, I'll call him Jemi as you suggested. *wink

So there! my cat-son is not to randomly called a kitten or Miming but Jemi!!!

Jemi

LONDON BRIDGE HAS FALLEN

Cheerios Pacman! *smirk

May 2, 2009

London Bridge Has Fallen to a so-called Man From the Country of Servants
*roll-eyes

THE FORESKIN CUTTING CONTINUES

*this entry is not for the faint-hearted, blood and other medical procedure captures are posted below*

I was living my post-call-center-career in Estancia, Iloilo doing nothing but downloading songs, blogging, FB-ing, surfing porns (Ooops! Did I mention that?) when a politician side-kick arrived. He gave me a weird-alien-looking stone and when I held it, it absorbed my life energy... Lolx! that's not how it happened.

The Vice Gov's personnel came and my brother asked if he can talk to the Vice Gov to help me get a job in a hospital since I am a registered nurse. It's the usual thing done in countrysides to get a decent job in a government owned establishments. It was supposed to be a meet-and-greet only with the Vice Gov when Manong Boy, (the sidekick) asked me if I want to go with them to Daculan for a Circumcision Caravan that's sponsored by the Vice Gov... with that started my Foreskin Cutting Journey...

We've accomplished 5 areas already and conducted the circumcision at:
- Daculan, Estancia, Iloilo
- Sara, Iloilo
- Batad, Iloilo
- Balasan, Iloilo
- Ajuy, Iloilo

The last one, in Ajuy, was the most tiring since we had 240 patients for circumcision and I actually performed 20 or so. As requested by a friend, Varry, below are the pictures:

We conquered Sara, Iloilo

This will soon help increase Philippine population

Batad's Mayor's House


Suturing after cutting the foreskin


Suturing


A cemetery view on the road


This is beauty while circumcising


Parental support for the little boy


Making sure all instruments are C-L-E-A-N


Signage


A police post on the way to Carles, Iloilo


Kids in Balasan, Estancia, Iloilo all lined up


Kids from Ajuy ready for circumcision

SWINE FLU update

A Colorado company has created a disposable medical device that can - in 15 minutes - detect the presence of disease in a single drop of body fluid. “We have developed a device that can address major pandemics, like the swine flu one that’s threatening to emerge,” said Beacon Biotechnology CEO, Fred Mitchell. “It could be used at airports, border crossings and at makeshift clinics designed to quarantine people infected with the disease.” -www.beaconbiotechnology.com.

Like the Philippines can afford that! We'll see what our beloved president will do.

SWINE FLU AND SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

I was reading www.perezhilton.com and came across his blog post about the Swine Flu affecting the U.S. Initially, I didn't care since I don't eat pork or any of its product since I am a Muslim. Last night, I glimpse on TV, TV Patrol was reporting something about it. Still, it did not bother since I'm used to the Philippines over-reacting on matters affecting the US or other countries.

What triggered me to talk about this Swine Flu is the idea that human-to-human infection is possible and accordingly, it's airborne. Who wouldn't react right? So there, I google-ed what I can find about the Pandemic Swine Flu. Read below:

Human cases of swine influenza A (H1N1) virus infection have been identified in the United States. Human cases of swine influenza A (H1N1) virus infection also have been identified internationally.

I really did not read into the details much. What's important is this:

There are everyday actions people can take to stay healthy.

• Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
• Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.
• Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.

Try to avoid close contact with sick people.

• Influenza is thought to spread mainly person-to-person through coughing or sneezing of infected people.

These things are inside these things below

These things can kill these things below

That's the Swine Flu part of this post and the Random Thought part is, why a sudden outbreak of this flu? Why until now, cost cutting from companies are still here? Why are we going down economically? What's wrong with the world?

SONYA'S GARDEN DREAM

I came across this Bed and Breakfast property in Tagaytay, Philippines on a fashion magazine. I fell in love with the place the moment I saw it on the magazine. Let's say I'm a big fan of Zennish Places and Sonya's Garden is somewhat like that.

Wanted to go somewhere green and minus the urban pollution. I even asked my former colleagues to go there with me. Unfortunately, I was never good in saving money plus when I committed with someone and asked if we can go there, my ex-s.o. declined quoting Tagaytay-visit to be cheap.

But then, when I checked an FB-user's Multiply account (http://shiaolien.multiply.com) and checked out his pictures at Sonya's Garden my Sonya's Garden Dream is revived!

Here's the property's website: http://www.sonyasgarden.com/

PRO-CLONING?!

I had an IM conversation with my previous boss just a couple of hours ago . She informed me about the death of a former colleague. He had a vehicular accident and was D. U. I. He didn't really die because of the accident rather due to an existing medical condition concerning a malfunction of the lungs. Tragic death and very untimely. I extend my condolences to Michael Ofrecio's family...

If only we have organ-cloning, it could have helped him survive... should it happen or what?

OPERATION TULI Accomplished

At around 9:00AM Manong Boy fetched me to go Daculan, Estancia, Iloilo for the Operation Tuli (Circumcision). The place was a bit far and they're having their fiesta there as well. Estancia can never run out of fiestas.

An hour of preparation and all the kids were asked to line up and fill out a consent form for the minor operation. The nurse-in-me cannot wait to do something and play with blood.

Here's a picture of the kids ready for operation

So there, I assisted a couple of operations. Kids crying, others laughing, anesthesia here, pinch here, cut the foreskin and suture. I loved it! After lunch I was asked to circumcised a kid and so I did. It was bloody since it took me forever to suture his cut. But it was done okay, not as perfect as the physicians, it's there expertise anyways.

Can't wait for another Operation Tuli and this time I'm going to read before going. I felt unprepared without the basic nursing interventions for such case.

CROSS-STITCH

Time-check, it's 8:12AM already and that guy's still not here but I'm pre-occupied thinking of *tooot. Lame that the person you hold dear is not appreciated by others or feels nothing towards you. God! I like you! I really do... That's why I gave birth to this blog to follow yours.

WHAT THE F*CK

Last night's trip was okay or should-have-stayed-home. Argh! I am really not into parties-provincial version. Aside from non-queerness I personally find it lame. Went to that Island, I do not even know the name or not-interested-of-knowing-what-the-name-is, at around 9:00PM. The island like the one I visited last January is really dark. The only source of light each household have is from a lamp. Everything was pitch-dark and I never thought we'll be there until early morning where a possible nice view could have been captured. Duh! Like my phone can last until early morning when all I've done last night was send SMS.

*pictures - not even interested to share

MY FAVORITE SOFTWARES

Media Monkey is the best MP3 Organizer for me and Digsby the best Instant Messenger organizer. Organizes my YM and Live accounts alongside with my social networking accounts with Facebook, MySpace and Twitter.

Digsby

Media Monkey

ELISM INFECTION

It was when I started using friendster.com I came across a profile name Eli. What caught me was his uberly kewl star tattoos on his shoulders. Since then I was eyeing him. Nice gym-fit body one will undeniably want to have one. The smile was just so innocent that everybody will doubt if he's had any carnal experience worse homo experience. Turns out he's a PLU. Here's a photo of him:

Eli Gonzalez of Phil. Project Runway

Here's his multiply if you want to check-out more photos of his Royal Haute-ness Eli:

http://eli9981.multiply.com/

METAMORPHOSIS

I can't believe it. This is my Before (3 years ago) and After (Now). It was three years ago when I was smaller than my usual size since childhood. Now it's back and I have to do something about it fast!

(Before)

(After)

THE GERALD ANDERSON ENCOUNTER

Me and Gerald Anderson in SM Fairview

I use www.photobucket.com as my online photo album. Was going over some of my pics in Bora when I came across my old photos. This was taken 3 years ago when me and Raj went to SM Fairview. We didnt know that Gerald Anderson from PBB will be there. He was on a mall tour promoting his Dale Candela song. Blah blah blah Raj bought me a copy of his album for autograph signing. Lolx!

BORACAY April 09 - 11, 2009

Mhike was there April 9, 2009

I never planned the Boracay experience yet. I was thinking of going there with somebody else. But, Jordan, a friend who works in my brother's repair shop invited me to go there since his family's going. I guess he needed someone who can explore the party island with.

I mean I understand him, going there with kids running around and your aunties telling you to do this and that is awful! Hence, his invitation. So there, I conquered Bora! Lolz! Like I partied like a rockstar. Did not! Since I came here to Iloilo, I did not have as much money as I did in Manila. Went there with a very limited amount of money.

I'd say my Boracay Experience was a cheap-fun-vacation.

We left Estancia at around 8:00AM going to Caticlan, Aklan where we'll be taking a bangka to the party island. We got to the venue at around 3:00PM and Jordz met up with his uncle and then free-ride to the island!

Ignorant as I can be, I thought we'll be arriving on the beach itself but I was wrong. Lolz.
There's really a port and you need to ride a tricycle 20.00 pesos per pax to the Long Beach of white sand. The beach is divided into three terminals.

Terminal 1 being the location for the most expensive beach front hotels though I didnt really checked the hotel names. What mattered most in terminal 1 is Starbucks. Yes, after 3 months of staying here in Estancia I have never indulged in any Starbucks coffee. Thanks God Bora got one. Got me self a venti of Chocolate Cream Chip Frap and shared it with Jordan.

Beach view from 2nd floor SB Bora

We went back to Starbucks and this what I got for myself, Strawberries and Cream!

My Strawberries and Cream


Me at Starbucks Boracay

That was after eating at this seafood consume-all-you-can resto by the beach. Can't believe it I didnt even bother with what the resto's name was.

That was our dinner

Terminal 2 was more of the middle class of the three terminals.

Terminal 3 was where Jordan and I spent most of our sleeping hours. We got to Bora with no where to sleep. Accommodation was very expensive and very strict. It was the Holy week and a lot of people were there. I thought Andrew Wolf was still there but I saw Dion Ignacio, JC Tiuseco (which I initially mistaken him as Chris Tiu if I havent noticed his Survivor 2008 bracelet), Katrina Halili and Boy Abunda.

JC Tiuseco in Bora

So there, Jordan and I put up a tent every night under a coconut tree. It wasnt bad, the sand was uberly soft and white. The beach view was breath-taking. I thought I'll be disappointed.

They always rake the sand in the morning

This is where we slept. Tent!

Oh, on our second day, I thought it will be another day in Bora doing nothing. Turns out Jordan's aunt talked to someone to take us on a boat-ride to check out the entire island. We left at around 9:00AM then off to this diving spot to check the corals. Then to Puka Beach where the locals get the Puka Shells for accessories they make.

I used to work for expedia.com where we provide air, hotel, car and vacation packages. I used to look at the beaches in Jamaica with the beautiful by the beach hotel. I thought I'll never see one but as it turns out, Bora got their version.

During our Island-hopping

Me at Puka Beach, Boracay

At a cave entrance in Puka Beach, Bora


Boracay Island in the afternoon


Boracay Sunset


Sand castle


Stunning property in Boracay Island

I'll try to go back to Bora this time with a body suitable for the beach... haha!

PREFACE

So there, I have rebooted the blogger in me.

What's to share but my simple life

I am iQz / Mhike... not a fan of the glamour life
Escaped my mom's arms and tried to stand on my own
Ventured the city-life, loved, lost love and then loved again
Got lost because of love and now trying to rebuild myself.

Play? Get serious? I dont know how its being played.

Nah.. let's start with something light than blabbering bout the gloominess of my life.

This blog is my mind's toilet. Anything that I can think of what I am going to share. If you can notice I dont even know where to start. That's how confuse my mind is. I dont know where I am heading. People may read this or not, I could'nt care less.

Today, I reside in Estancia, Iloilo. Its like Iloilo's Alaska since most of Iloilo's marine supply is from here. So I am basically right next to the sea. Seaport is like a couple of meters away from my brother's house. I live with his family. I am not really from here nor is he. We're originally from Jolo, Sulu.

I know.., the infamous Jolo, Sulu where the Red Cross Peepz were abducted by Abu Sayyaf. Scary? nah... why should I when one of my relatives' one of them, not! Spent my childhood life there. Finished HS in Notre Dame of Jolo Highschool.

Tertiary, I soared with the Chavacano Eagles. Yes, I studied at Ateneo De Zamboanga University and finished my Nursing degree.

Registered Nurse, yes I am. Ventured into BPO due to the 2006 Board exam scandal. I kind of liked it but being away from family and being alone got the best of me. Worst? Love. haha. Yes, people think I have this strong personality but nah... I got drowned by love as well...

But hey! life aint easy, if it is, its not worth it... right? got to fix the wrongs, that's why they're there. Hmmmm... running out of things to say now...

(while writing this, what's playing on my Media Monkey is Our Song by Taylor Swift)

The Confusion Starts Here

I just want to officially give birth to this blog... i'll try to update this as often as possible...